Charades

If I were to be honest, I would tell you how much I miss you.

If I were to be true to myself, I’d choose to spend time with you.

If I were not confused, I’d say with all certainty and sincerity that it is you.

And if I were strong enough, I’d bare my heart and soul to you even if it would mean vulnerability.

But I’m not. I still have that old habit of playing charades. Stopping would signify the possibility of fatality. The game has become my veil to mask my fear for what’s real.

You, yourself love to play this game. I know why. It is because you also know that there is no wonder or prestige, or even bliss at the very least, in being a fool. There will only be hurt and sorrow.

But I’m starting to get tired of this silly game. Haven't you?

It hurts me to know that I can't have the things that I want most. Especially when I think I deserve it.

Not a Love Story

I admit, everything came rushing back to me the moment he stood by my side. I remembered the reasons why I liked him. I remembered how it felt being with him.

There’s always this sense of security, like no matter what happened, I know that he’ll be there to take care of me. I know that he’d understand my immaturity and if he sees my worst, he will still accept me without any hesitation. He also made me feel like I can go places, that I can turn my dreams into reality if I put enough effort and determination to it. He made me better.

It was not long when I understood that what I know to be true were just illusions. Or maybe my expectations were just too much. Either way, it hurt me and I wasn’t ready for the pain.

In that short moment that he stood there right by my side, everything came rushing back to me, like seeing a romantic movie all over again. Only this time, I know that it is actually a tragedy.

Choice.

"Two roads diverged in a wood and I--

Took the road less traveled by,

And that has made all the difference.

-Robert Frost

I wish at the end of it all I could say the same

I realized that there’s just so much truth in the saying “It’s always easier said than done.”  A few months ago, I was in that exact same position.  Lost. Confused. Heck, I was ready to flip a coin and let it decide for what I envisioned as my “grand” destiny.

It’s hard enough to choose from two different paths, knowing how it can change me and my whole life. To make matters worse, these fork roads never seem to stop existing.

Whenever I try to look beyond the path for every less-traveled-by road that I chose, it’s always like seeing my pot of gold, only it vanishes just when I thought I’m about to reach it. As I take another step, as I go deeper and deeper, nearer and nearer, one by one, my butterflies of hope and my garden of faith starts to wither and vanish. I’m afraid that soon enough as everything starts to crumble right before my very eyes; I’ll forget the reason why I’m at this exact same position right now. I’m trying to hang on to what’s left of the same hope and the same faith that brought me to this place, believing against all the odds that someday it will make all the difference.

Buang

I now have a new commitment and that is to blog at least once a week. Just now, I was rummaging my brain for a post-worthy topic for my blog only to find out that my brain's too cluttered for it to think clearly. 

Shame. 

My apologies to Paula for she will be reading a very senseless blog post tonight. Please give me time to adjust. My brain got a bit rusty you know. It still needs some warming up. hehe. Hope you understand.

Rant

"And when you want something, all the universe conspires in helping you to achieve it."

- The Alchemist

Well, not today honey. It's too bad that it seems like the universe hasn't gone back from vacation. Cause if it did, I would've gotten my dream job. i'm riding solo for now.

I'm trying to do everything that i can in order for me to get my dream job. I admit, I was confused back then. It was with my own decision that I got in this shit hole in the first place. But haven't I suffered enough? It has been two weeks already and the company that I applied to hasn't called me for my final interview. As pathetic as it sounds, I'm still hoping against hope that i still have a shot at it. At this point, waiting is the hardest thing to do for me. I don't know until when I can or when I could hold on before I lose my last ounce of hope.

Rise From The Dead

Type test....type test.....man, this is harder than I thought! I haven't written anything on my blog for ages! I admit, I have been so caught up with the radical changes in my life, both personal and professional, that I've ignored my pangs for blogging. Now I'm struggling on making my thoughts coherent. Tsk. A really big price to pay  if you ask me.

Now, where to start?

I'm not happy and I'm not exactly sad either. So where does that put me? I have no idea. I have been feeling a lot of emotions all at the same time lately that my brain already stopped giving logical explanation to everything.

Honestly, I don't know what to write. I'm just typing whatever's popping out of my head right now.

And then there was nothing.

“People are often unreasonable and self-centered. Forgive them anyway.

If you are kind, people may accuse you of ulterior motives. Be kind anyway. 

If you are honest, people may cheat you. Be honest anyway.

If you find happiness, people may be jealous. Be happy anyway.

The good you do today may be forgotten tomorrow. Do good anyway.

Give the world the best you have and it may never be enough. Give your best anyway. 

For you see, in the end, it is between you and God. It was never between you and them anyway.” 

― Mother Teresa

Hey...

How are you? I hope you're doing fine. By the way, I miss going home with you.

#RandomFactsAboutMe

I like long and tight hugs. :">

Looking Back

A good friend is a connection to life- a tie to the past, a road to the future, the key to sanity in a totally insane world.   -Lois Wyse

                                                                                                                        

High school barkada

College barkada

The most beautiful discovery true friends make is that they can grow separately without growing apart.   -Elisabeth Foley

Things will be much different now that I will be starting a new chapter in life....*sigh*

A Breath of Fresh Air

*Me, Zary and Melvin eating at Robinson's food court...

Zary: Hahaha! Ang pangit mo Melvin! Parang Jeffrey lang!

Melvin: Sinong Jeffrey? JEPOY?! Grabe ka naman!!! Pwede ang Marx muna?

Me and Zary: BWAHAHAHAHAHA!!!! SAMAAAAAAA MOOOOOOOO!!!! 

***

It was unintentional for the three of us to meet. But then I was glad that we did! I had a great time chatting with them, updating each other with our lives and sharing our ideas, ambitions and disappointments. The whole experience was like a breath of fresh air to my almost stale life.

Find Time

Source: Sense & Sensibility

I really wish i could do all these things...

Right here.

Right now.

I think i need it......much like I need air.

#RandomFactsAboutMe

I don't really like greeting other moms a happy mother's day. No, I don't have anything against mother's day or against all mothers for that matter. It's just that because of certain circumstances, I don't/can't greet my own mom a happy mother's day. Somehow I feel guilty about it. How can I wish for other moms to have a happy one when I know that my own mother wouldn't?    

Break

Me: Coco, gusto mo mangga?

Coco: Bakit? Namunga ka na?

Me: Hahahaha!  :\

* Kinwento ko kay Alej

Alej: HAHAHAHAHAHA.................HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!

BULLIES!!!

***********

I was called for an interview in the company where Alej and Coco are having their internship. As soon as I finished my exam and interview, I texted Coco and forced them to meetup with me. Hehehe.

It's been a long time since I was able to bond with them like that. No worries. No hesitations. No guilt. Just us and our genuine happiness. I realized how much I miss how they laugh their lungs out at every joke. Too bad we were only able to bond within their thirty minute break. But still, it was a time well spent.

Back Log: My 21st Birthday

Who says that someone who has already crossed the line of being a teenager to a young adult can’t have a surprise party?

 Well actually, that was what I thought.

I had no idea that my friends were cooking something up for my birthday.

It all started with a simple text from my friend Ira inviting me to a dinner. Of course, I said yes without any questions.

Fast forward. I don’t how, but we ended up riding a cab to Shakey’s Delta.

*This would be a photo heavy blog because I'm too lazy to blog at the moment (I believe that a picture is worth a thousand words, hehe)

SURPRISE!!!

Showing off my moves! Hehe

Omnomnomnom

The Happy Birthday Song with the Shakey's staff

Blowing of the candle

My cake, yumm! :))

Their gift for me :">

The pretty ladies

Two of my bestEST buds :))

How I looked when my crush greeted me :">

awww.... :')

Waiting for their last surprise for me

Tadahhh! Their last surprise for me. They also invited my brother :)) 

Me pretending to slice the cake

Awwww, again...... :')

The master mind. Thanks!

Even Mona Lisa's smile would be incomparable to my smile!

I really am so blessed to have them as my friends family. I LOVE THEM TO BITS <3

Once Upon A Time....

A lot of people, especially those who are at the same life cycle as me are very much familiar with the fantasy-like love story of the movie “A Little Thing Called Love.” You know the typical ugly-duckling-turned-to-a-beautiful-swan type of plot and where the prince falls for the girl somewhere between ‘ugly duckling’ and ‘beautiful swan’.  But I’m not here to tell you about the movie per se. You’ll be better off watching the movie than hearing my version of it.

Now going back, the reason for this post is that when I watched the movie for the second time around with my sister, I just realized that I can somehow relate myself to Nam (The female protagonist). I remember the days when I didn’t care about my looks. I’d go on for the whole day with having combed my hair only once (That’s after I take a bath). I also didn’t wear make-up or put any beauty products on my face because I didn’t like the greasy feel of it. I’d only wear baggy shirts and shorts and slippers when I go out with my friends.  Back then I was living in a world where pumps are devices used to move fluids, wedges are considered as simple machines and platforms are synonymous to stages.

Then one day I met someone whom I consider as my own version of P’shone (The male protagonist). To cut through the chase, because of that guy, I decided to change. Radically. I did things that I once considered as “absurd” just for him to notice me. But in the end, it dawned on me that not everyone can have a fairy tale ending.  A duck will always be a duck and my so-called “fairy godfriends” can only do so much.  

I think I did the right things but for the wrong reasons. In the end, everything was still worth it.

Sa Halagang Ocho Pesos

*Kaninang umaga habang nakasakay sa jeep papuntang office, may pasahero na nagbayad ng pamasahe....

Girl na pasahero: Mama, bayad po...PAG-IBIG lang.
Ako: Aww :'(

February is fast approaching.Single awareness month. GAWDEMIT.

Let Go

I admit that there’s not a day that has passed that I didn’t wish that we could turn back what used to be. I still find it hard to accept “what is” because a part of me is still holding on to “what was.” But sacrifices are certain in the path that I chose and no matter how hard the consequences are I’ll be brave enough to face them, because I know that this is how we’ll all grow. Separately. 

But please, I beg you guys to never forget the memories that we have made and the lessons that we have learned for in time these bonds will help you remember who we really are and why we are doing these things.    

P.S. I love and miss you all.

Just Like the Old Times

End of the preliminary exams! This calls for a celebration!

And the best way to do it? Spend the day with your best friend. 

I miss those days when Tina was still my seatmate and we don’t need to wait for our class dismissal just to share with each other whatever pops out of our mind. We usually talk about anything and everything and we do that even if there’s a professor in front of the class discussing. Hahaha. We just can’t help it.

Now, I’m still thankful because despite of our busy schedules, we’re still able to have our “girl talk” from time to time.  

 
That’s exactly what we did after our exams. Funny how you see a friend almost every day and still you never run out of things to talk about.

After that we ate ice cream, watched a movie and ate dinner at Santorini and this time we were joined by Zary.

Hope we'll have more bonding sessions like this! :)